You lent something, a week passed, then a month. Now you’re wondering whether it’s weird to bring it up. It usually isn’t. Most people who haven’t returned something simply forgot, and a friendly, specific message is often all it takes.
Four principles before you hit send
- Assume they forgot. Starting from “no big deal” keeps the tone light for both of you.
- Be specific. Name the item. “My blue ladder” is clearer than “that thing I lent you.”
- Give an easy way to say yes. Offer a pickup time or say you can swing by.
- Put it in writing. A text lets them answer when it suits them, and it gives you a record of what was said.
Copy-paste scripts
Replace the [brackets] with your details. Edit freely; they should sound like you.
1. The gentle nudge (first ask)
Hey [Name]! Quick one: do you still have my [item]? No rush, I just want to make sure I know where it is.
2. The “I need it” nudge
Hi [Name], I’ve got a [project/trip/event] coming up on [date] and I’ll need my [item]. Could I grab it sometime this week?
3. The easy-pickup
Hey [Name], I’ll be near your place on [day]. Could I pick up my [item] then? Happy to swing by whenever works.
4. The second reminder (a bit firmer, still kind)
Hi [Name], following up on my [item]. Could you let me know when I can get it back? Thanks so much!
5. The “if it got lost” version
Hey [Name], no worries if it’s gone missing. These things happen! Just let me know either way so I can sort it out.
6. For a small amount of money
Hey [Name], quick reminder about the [amount] from [occasion]. Whenever you get a chance to send it over, thanks!
7. For a roommate or housemate
Hey [Name], I’m doing a sweep of the kitchen and noticed my [item] is missing. Do you know where it ended up?
8. For a family member
Hi [Name]! Do you still have my [item]? Trying to pull everything back together before [event/season].
What to avoid
- Don’t hint or post vaguely online. Ask directly and privately.
- Don’t send a string of rapid-fire messages. One clear message, then wait a reasonable time before the next.
- Don’t accuse. “Do you still have it?” works better than “You never gave it back.”
- For larger amounts, a written note isn’t a substitute for proper legal advice. This page is general etiquette, not legal advice.
Make it a habit, not an awkward moment
Most of the awkwardness comes from remembering late. If you note what you lent, to whom and when it’s due at the time, the reminder feels routine instead of confrontational. Borrowly is a free iPhone app that tracks borrowed and lent items first, and money you lend as well. Snap a photo, pick the borrower, and keep a history. The borrower doesn’t need the app, and follow-ups happen automatically. Download on the App Store.
FAQ
How long should I wait before asking for something back?
There’s no single right answer. If you agreed on a date, ask shortly after it passes. If you didn’t, mention a timeframe next time you lend, or ask once it’s been long enough that you’d like it back.
Is it rude to ask for something back?
Not when you’re friendly and specific. Most people who forget to return something would rather be reminded than leave you wondering.
What if they ignore my message?
Wait a few days and send one polite follow-up. If you still don’t hear back, try a different channel, like a call or asking in person.
What if they say they lost it?
Stay calm and ask what they’d like to do. Whether to replace it, repay it or let it go is up to you.
Does Borrowly send reminders for me?
Borrowly follows up automatically when something hasn’t been returned, and you can send a reminder whenever you need to. It’s free on the App Store. Android is coming later.
Android is coming later
Borrowly is free on the App Store for iPhone and iPad. Android is coming later. Leave your email and we’ll let you know when it is.
You’re on the list.
Thanks! We’ll email you when Borrowly is ready for Android. Until then, here are two things you can use right now:
Free for iPhone. The person who borrowed your stuff doesn’t need to install anything.